When Josh and I first got married, pursuing each other came naturally.

We didn’t have to try.
We wanted to talk.
We wanted to be together.
We were curious about each other.

But over time, something shifts in marriage.

Life fills up.
Kids need you.
Responsibilities grow.

And without realizing it, many couples stop pursuing each other and start simply managing life together. Research indicates that many men especially pursue until they provide and then they see providing as pursuit. Women indicate these are experienced differently.

Marriage was never meant to be transactional or managed.

It was meant to be cultivated.

Song of Solomon 2:15 says:
“Catch the foxes… the little foxes that ruin the vineyards.”

It’s not usually one big thing that disconnects a marriage.

It’s the small things left unattended.
The missed conversations.
The lack of intentional time.
The assumption that “we’re fine.”

But love doesn’t grow on autopilot.

It grows through intentional pursuit.

What Pursuit Looks Like Practically

• Ask one meaningful question a day
• Sit next to each other, not across the room
• Plan time together before your schedule fills up
• Speak words of appreciation out loud
• Laugh together again

One of the deepest needs in marriage is this:

To feel chosen—again and again.

Not just on your wedding day.

But in the middle of busy weeks.
In hard seasons.
In ordinary moments.

Ephesians 5 reminds us that love is intentional, sacrificial, and active.

Healthy marriages are not built on constant feelings.

They’re built on consistent choices.

“I choose you.”
“I pursue you.”
“I’m still here.”

And when two people keep choosing each other…

they don’t just stay married—

they build something strong, alive, and deeply connected.