When your marriage feels broken or when things get tough, it’s all too natural to start pointing fingers and casting blame on your partner. You might even find yourself drowning in hopelessness, questioning whether anything can ever change between the two of you. But the first step, possibly the most challenging one, in healing a marriage or fortifying it is to take a good, hard look at your own contributions to the problem. It requires a great deal of courage and faith, but it’s a crucial journey that can transform not just your relationship, but you as well.

This pivotal concept comes from our book, “New Marriage, Same Couple.” It’s a notion that we’ve lived by and shared with countless couples over the years, drawing from our own experiences and the privilege of counseling at our church, Seacoast. We’ve seen marriages teetering on the brink of collapse, and we’ve witnessed incredible transformations.

So, why “Start with Me”? Let’s break it down:

1. Self-Reflection Is Key: Before you can expect your relationship to change, you must first embark on a journey of self-reflection. Look in the mirror, figuratively and literally, and consider the role you’ve played in the problems you’re facing. This takes genuine introspection and the humility to acknowledge your own shortcomings.
2. Courage and Faith: It takes an immense amount of courage to admit your own faults and a strong belief that change is possible. It’s not an easy path, and it’s certainly not a quick fix, but it’s a path worth walking.
3. The Domino Effect: When one person within the marriage starts working on themselves, it sets off a chain reaction. Your transformation can inspire and influence your partner in ways you might not expect. It’s like a domino effect; when one piece falls, it impacts the entire sequence.
4. A Shift in Perspective: By focusing on yourself and your own growth, you can change the lens through which you view your marriage. You begin to see things from a different perspective, allowing you to empathize with your partner and work together to overcome challenges.
5. A Stronger Foundation: Rebuilding your marriage from within builds a more solid foundation for the future. As you both grow individually and as a couple, your relationship becomes more resilient, adaptable, and capable of weathering the storms that life throws your way.

In conclusion, starting with yourself is not a call for self-blame; it’s a call for self-awareness and self-improvement. It’s a call for courage and faith, as well as a belief in the transformative power of love and personal growth. When you change, your relationship changes, and the potential for healing and strengthening your marriage becomes a reality. So, take that brave step, begin with yourself, and watch the magic unfold. Our God is able, and this we know.

Stay tuned for more practical insight on this transformative journey to rebuild your marriage from us, Josh and Katie. Remember that you’re not alone in this, God is Able, this we know. Josh and Katie